Getting Real

I just heard about a planned leadership training program that's destined to begin soon in New Albany, and I couldn't be more excited after hearing what I'll call "Principle One" of the program.

Permit me to "crib" directly from the training manual.

Working with people to build a grassroots organization is different from making friends. You are in the public arena. But when you are listening to someone who might have some influence on the success of your idea or issue, remember this guideline: You are in a public relationship now, not a private or personal relationship. If the person disagrees with you and you disagree with him or her on this issue, this disagreement is not with the person, but on the issue.

I've tried to internalize that advice in my own "public relationships," although I couldn't put it as succinctly as this: No permanent friends. No permanent enemies.

Distinguish Public and Private Relationships

The distinction between the public and private arenas is often hard to understand because there is little understanding in our media or educational system about public life. People in public life, including most elected officials, often act as if they want to be your friend. They kiss your babies, eat your food, and describe all the ways they are just like you, whoever you are. They want you to like them as people. That is because many people vote for the person they like, not necessarily for the person whose public policies meet their own needs.

Don't confuse or combine the person and the issue. Someone who disagrees with you on an issue is not an enemy. The disagreement is not personal. Don't hold grudges. Someone who disagrees with you on one issue may be helpful on another. Don't assume that people's economic self-interest will automatically put them on the side of an issue. Follow what they do - not who you guess they are.

Personally, I like that advice. Having had no small experience with people in public life, I'm long past trying to cultivate "friendships" when trying to effect change. Friendships are transient, and I've determined that "being helpful on" an issue is about all that can be expected. If a policy can be put into effect, who was involved is far less important to me than the end result.

In short, being liked isn't an objective, and cultivating allies whose principal objective is being liked is considerably less important than accomplishing common goals.

I would go so far as to say that far too many of the people with whom I share common goals have been slow to arrive at that same realization. Building strength in any organization will require its members to concentrate on the end goal and to recognize that any organization whose members have all their sharp edges cut off will be both brittle and blunted.

One City, One Destiny.