'Tis Time

Ah, lads and lassies, 'tis been a long time since we've filled these pixels with a report from the City Council chambers.

The far more professional and admittedly better-paid Metro Council that serves our big brother across the waters may weigh in on many more progressive matters, given that their commitment to an ongoing program of street-paving, community cleanup, and economic development dictates a degree of seriousness. But historically, New Albany's council had been far more entertaining.

And as much as we miss the circus, it's kinda sad to think that a city's "leading" lights provide more delight than insight.

After a robotic first three months of marching in lockstep while taking instruction from the minions of the England Restoration, the first cracks began to show.

Personally, I blame the weather. It looked like "Casual Friday" last evening as the council, to most observers, returned to Cloud Cuckoo-Land. I know one in attendance whose day-long depression was lifted by the lamentable entertainment of the Once and Future Kings of Comedy.

Another blogger playfully poked at the "silly" ordinance on tap for the evening's festivities - a ban on "novelty" lighters. These attractive nuisances were recently declared verboten in neighboring Jeffersonville, and it is presumed that the local cops or the fire marshal sought additional enforcement powers against the purveyors of such "candy for arsonists." Alas, council member Benedetti begged off on moving this measure forward, one hopes because she realized that significantly more important issues face this city.

Council member John Gonder, D-At Large, brought forward his visionary enabling legislation to foster permanent and ad hoc citizen councils and commissions to bring committed residents into the game. Hey, such a thing might actually serve as training for future leaders.

So who comes flying in with the body block? Why, it's the tag team of Gahan and Coffey, flexing their rhetorical and parliamentary muscles to quash this progressive, democratic move. Gahan insisted the ordinance be put aside, maintaining that such authority already existed. To his credit, Mr. Gonder demanded that the council's attorney come forward within ten days with the necessary legal citation justifying the ruling of the chair.

Dan Coffey, on the other hand, saw this as an opportunity to warn against the slippery slope of allowing citizens with actual knowledge taking on otherwise neglected tasks. A certainly apocryphal Mrs. was his McGuffin on Monday night. It seems that a "certain" authorized commission of this city (whose members are mostly known to shadow5 and its readers) had caused the woman to expend "$78,000" before ultimately losing her home.

Had I any confidence that the lady's violations had resulted in such draconian repression and retribution from this dangerous body of ordinary citizens (meddlers where they had no business meddling, I'm sure Mr. Coffey would call them), I would have led the charge in seeking justice. But I, like most others in the room, are used to the McCarthyite tactics of the Wizard of Westside, so I, like all others in the room, yawned.

Still, Mr. Coffey's warning should be heeded. What, indeed, would happen if ackshual citizens took part in the decision-making for this city? Or, God forbid, if they offered studied opinions to their elected leaders?

Effectively admonished by the council president and the senior council member, Mr. Gonder instructed Mr. Ulrich to justify his opinion on or before the next meeting of the council. Apparently, demanding a second opinion is going to be this council's mantra. For tonight's most dramatic (but least debated) action was their attempt to piss off Judge Terry Cody.

After being clearly warned to drop their suit against the sewer board, then after being taken to the woodshed by the jurist, this council and its attorney voted to "bate the bear" and tell the judge that his legal ruling was both unacceptable and insufficient.

In my experience, Terry Cody is a most pleasant fellow. Also, in my experience, judges can be quite pleasant to deal with so long as their authority is respected. But when a judge, even one as pleasant as Cody, is told by a litigant that he has "screwed the pooch," as my hero Gus Grissom would put it, the jurist rarely remains pleasant.

Don't worry, says council attorney Ulrich. I'll insult the judge for you. I'm so embarrassed at my miscalculation that I'll tell the judge that his ruling was muddy AND erroneous. And I'll do it for FREE!

Suspicious, that. It makes shadow5 wonder who is actually behind this effort to void a professional services contract granted last summer under judicially (and legislatively)sanctioned authority. Who, in fact, would benefit from having this five-year contract tossed and put out for "competitive" bidding? This time, even the shadow doesn't know, but it does have its conjectures.

Council member Zurschmiede pointed out that the "free" non-appeal/judicial insult would be far from free. City taxpayers and ratepayers will be undoubtedly paying for the sewer and stormwater boards' attorneys fees, not to mention the attorneys' fees for the various individually named defendants.

The stated justification is transparent. It was repeated Monday night that the purpose of the suit was to obtain advisory guidance from the court in order to craft legislation.

It's our view that the purpose is to salve the wounded pride of a couple of pissed-off council members, aided and abetted by malleable newbies and the resident nincompoop. Oh, and that other council member.

Shadow5 hopes the 7 who voted yes can identify themselves.

By all the evidence, this council wouldn't know a court order if it flipped them a bird. Speaking of which, that temptation, too, arose on Monday night.

Who do you have to sue to get through to this council?