Welcome to the 2008 Dummy Awards

The Grammy Awards honor the most outstanding music. The Emmy Awards spotlight the best in television. And Oscar stands proudly holding his sword when it comes time to recognize the best in movies.

The Razzies take another tack. They poke fun at the "worst" movies and performers, even if they are easy targets. The Darwin Awards honor those imbeciles who, through their actions, benefit humanity by removing themselves from the gene pool by killing themselves - in the most stupid of manners.

Welcome, then, to the nominating period for the New Albany Dummy Awards, or, The Dummies.

We acknowledge that one would have to a) be there, and b) have a pretty quick pen (or tape recorder) to participate in the nominations. But that doesn't prevent you from voting on the nominees.

The nominees from the June 2, 2008 showing of the New Albany Follies, otherwise known as the New Albany City Council:

A. In a screed urging the sewer board to put off the purchase of land for an expansion of the sewer treatment capacity of the city utility ($256K for 60 acres, btw): Why, in 20 years they'll probably have another way to dispose of waste. - Dan Coffey, D1

B. Demonstrating a remarkable lack of vision in supporting the illegal tabling of a declaratory resolution that would designate the New Albany Heritage Site called Loop Island as a targeted economic development area: Nobody in their right mind could vote to make Loop Island a[n economic development area] TIF district. - Dan Coffey, D1, making him a double nominee right out of the box. He seems to have lost the ability to throw his voice into D3.

C. Defending her ardent sponsorship and successful shepherding of a completely unenforceable "novelty lighter" ordinance: You should know that it was written by the city attorney, so if you have a problem with it, you should talk to him. - Diane McCartin-Benedetti, D5, failing to get the point that her ordinance alone earned her a Dummies nomination.

D. Losing control of his meeting to such an extent that the words "Dan's Butt Boy" were echoing around the room: "_______." - Jeff Gahan, D6, though failing to speak up when he should have has been appealed as outside the boundaries of the Dummy Awards guidelines*. The appeals committee will follow with a ruling, undoubtedly relying on written and lawfully passed rules.

*Dummy Awards are intended to grant appropriate recognition to the verbal utterances of actors and supporting actors appearing at least once in the awards year at a lawful gathering of the New Albany City Council or its committees. The awards committtee may, from time to time, authorize supplemental awards, including awards to qualified actors and supporting actors whose public utterances are otherwise captured for posterity. Nominations are accepted from the public when accompanied by appropriate verification. Dummy Awards have no cash value and may not be used in campaign literature without the express and written permission of NA Shadow Council.